Missed Opportunities...

Sometimes I wonder about how my life would be different if I had made different choices. I guess everyone thinks about that stuff, even though doing so doesn't really get you anywhere. If anything, it just makes me feel depressed and assume that, had I made different choices, I would be much happier. But it could have just as easily gone the other way.

For example, where would I be now had I not gone to boarding school, but stayed at Hickory High? I'm convinced that would have led me to a full ride to a good school on a tennis scholarship. Granted, I did play a year at Elon, but it wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I used to dream about playing college tennis. Had I gone to college with tennis being the priority, I think my life would be much different.

But then again, what if I had never played tennis? What if I spent all of my time on the softball field instead? What if I went to a college to play softball? Or what if I didn't play sports at all, and spent more time honing my writing skills? Perhaps I could have gotten an academic grant and gone to school for creative writing.

If either of those things happened, I would probably not have gone to Colorado for the baseball internship during my senior year. That creates a snowball: then, I wouldn't have met Dave, I wouldn't have moved to New Orleans, I might not have found the newspaper job in Hickory... and the list continues. That would lead me to now... I probably wouldn't be at Liberty.

What if I had stuck with the newspaper gig? Would I feel any more successful than I feel now? Would I feel more secure about fulfilling my life's purpose? Would I feel like I was making a difference, or that I mattered?

This game is deadly.

I am grateful for all the blessings I have in my life at this moment... but as my mind wanders into the past, I can't help but wonder what my life could be.

I'm Cleansing.... Don't talk to me...

Kidding, kidding. But I am suffering from a God-awful headache right now, no doubt a result of my sudden withdrawal from caffeine.

Let me back up. A co-worker of mine completed a 21-day cleanse, and she raved about it so much that I felt inclined to take on the slightly idiotic challenge. After all, I thought, what's the worst that could happen?

This headache, that's one thing.

Anyway, it's not a strict cleanse, like the kind where you can only drink a homemade concoction of maple syrup and salt. Or is it pepper? I don't know, but I DO know that this lady would not last one day on that program.

No, this cleanse allows eating, but it really limits what you eat. I can basically have all the fruits and veggies I desire, but that's about it. No bread. No soda. No chocolate. Lord, help me.

I also have to take a bunch of supplements and ingest self-made fruit smoothies. I'm not exactly Suzie Homemaker, so even blending frozen fruit can be a daunting task.

So today marks Day 1. I'm feeling ok, minus the throbbing headache and the brief bout of nausea this morning. My mood doesn't seem to be affected yet. But, it's still early.

Hitting Rewind...

Today is a big day.

Today, I will return to the land of my college days... good ole' Elon, NC.

I graduated in 2003 and haven't really been back since then, minus a late-night stop at a former favorite dining establishment. Oh Sandy's Subs, how I miss you.

So I have a strange feeling that's been generating quietly in the pit of my stomach this week as I've anticipated the trip. I'm going for work, not pleasure, so it's not like I'll have free reign to re-live my idiotic early 20's (not that I have any desire to do so, thank you).

Nope, I'll be there for a tournament, and my time actually on campus will be limited. All of my friends have moved on, although I still know a professor or two who may be around.

But part of me just wants to roam around campus and take it all in. I want to walk under the oaks and close my eyes, remembering who I was at 18.

I think I would be disappointed.

See, I didn't feel any sort of sentimental connection to my school. I think, for that reason, my ability to recollect details has all but faded. It's sad, really. I spent four years of my life at this place, and rarely anything stands out to me.

Maybe I'll feel differently when I get there. Maybe.

Eating, Praying, Loving

So I finished Elizabeth Gilbert's memoir, Eat Pray Love, and went to see the movie last night with my friend Jess.

While I found the book pretty enjoyable (although slow-moving at times), the flick was an absolute dud.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the story, a travel writer has a personal crisis, divorcing her husband, questioning the life she's worked so hard to build, and ultimately deciding to take a one-year sabbatical of sorts. She travels to Italy, India and Bali, searching for pleasure, a closer relationship with God, and personal peace.

Along the way, she meets people from different backgrounds, who are all facing their own struggles.

It made me wonder what I would do if I had the financial freedom to take a trip like that. Just skip town for a year, alone, and see what I find.

Money would be the only obstacle. I'm not married, I don't have kids, I'm not in a profession where if I took an extended vacation I'd expire like sour milk.

So then I thought... where would I go?

Movies always alter reality, but I would LOVE to see Bali after watching the film. I'd also want to go see the gorgeous landscapes of New Zealand, live on a ranch in Australia, and wander the crazy streets of Tokyo (yes, I've always had a thing for Asian men).

Maybe one day, I can take my dream trip. My tangible journey of self-discovery, where I can learn about how other people live while simultaneously seeking to answer the unanswerable question: What should I do with my life??

And if I happened to find my soul mate on that trip, as Liz Gilbert does, then so be it.