Sometimes I wonder about how my life would be different if I had made different choices. I guess everyone thinks about that stuff, even though doing so doesn't really get you anywhere. If anything, it just makes me feel depressed and assume that, had I made different choices, I would be much happier. But it could have just as easily gone the other way.
For example, where would I be now had I not gone to boarding school, but stayed at Hickory High? I'm convinced that would have led me to a full ride to a good school on a tennis scholarship. Granted, I did play a year at Elon, but it wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I used to dream about playing college tennis. Had I gone to college with tennis being the priority, I think my life would be much different.
But then again, what if I had never played tennis? What if I spent all of my time on the softball field instead? What if I went to a college to play softball? Or what if I didn't play sports at all, and spent more time honing my writing skills? Perhaps I could have gotten an academic grant and gone to school for creative writing.
If either of those things happened, I would probably not have gone to Colorado for the baseball internship during my senior year. That creates a snowball: then, I wouldn't have met Dave, I wouldn't have moved to New Orleans, I might not have found the newspaper job in Hickory... and the list continues. That would lead me to now... I probably wouldn't be at Liberty.
What if I had stuck with the newspaper gig? Would I feel any more successful than I feel now? Would I feel more secure about fulfilling my life's purpose? Would I feel like I was making a difference, or that I mattered?
This game is deadly.
I am grateful for all the blessings I have in my life at this moment... but as my mind wanders into the past, I can't help but wonder what my life could be.
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