It's a rainy day in central Virginia, the perfect atmosphere to have a deep internal conversation. Mine was sparked when I read a blog post by a friend. She is very open with her thoughts, and often posts notes on Facebook regarding whatever issues she's dealing with. I'm not saying that in a cold tone; I always enjoy reading her thoughts. I find comfort in her words.
Today, she shared that she took a midnight drive last night after seeing Eat, Pray, Love. If you read my silly blog, you'll notice that I blogged about the very same movie/book a couple of months ago. As always, the book was better. In any case, she saw the movie with a friend, and it got her thinking about her own life. So there she was, in the middle of the night, driving aimlessly as the tears fell.
Like me, she hasn't found her calling. Like me, her heart has been broken. Like me, she worries about the future, no matter how hard she tries to keep herself from doing so.
As I read her words, especially the part about her heart still healing, my eyes filled. I had never seen my feelings so accurately portrayed in words. Only, they weren't even my words. I've had my fair share of breakdowns lately, and funny enough, they usually happen in the car. The last time it happened, the day before my birthday last week, it was The Fray's "Happiness." I sobbed like a little girl. Not because I was sad. But because I was scared.
It's unsettling to know that some people you love won't love you back. It's frightening to think that you will never find your purpose. And it's almost nauseating to believe that you're stuck in a rut, standing still as everyone else flies by.
But, as I'm trying harder to understand each day, faith means trusting God to make sure we end up in the right place. He loves me. And instead of worrying about finding my purpose in this life, I should be more concerned with loving Him back.
We're all on a journey. We're all driving down that same road in the middle of the night. Only some of us may be crying a little harder than others.
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